


Broken Halos

by mooseysammy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas and Dean - Freeform, Character Death, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-20 21:58:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14270418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooseysammy/pseuds/mooseysammy
Summary: Some scars will last a lifetime and they’re always the worst ones to remind us of our mistakes. What could have been. What we’ve lost.





	Broken Halos

_Seen my share of broken halos_   
_Folded wings that used to fly_   
_They’ve all gone wherever they go_   
_Broken halos that used to shine_

Dean knew that being a hunter had its consequences. He had stayed in his fair share of shitty motel rooms. Had his fair share of fast food consumed in the Impala that made his health decline with every bite, Sam claimed. He experienced loss. He experienced pain. He experienced regret. While hunting had its consequences though, it also had its rewards. He saw the country with his brother Sam. He saved people from the monstrous beings that roamed the earth. He met Cas.

Castiel was an angel of the lord who saved Dean from the fiery pits of hell. Dean had the scar to prove it, a handprint that was etched into his shoulder. A constant reminder of the bond that the two shared. A bond that no one could ever come between, no matter how hard they tried. Cas helped on hunts occasionally and his abilities always came in handy when the boys were in situations that they had no hope in. The angel would come in, fighting off the bad guys like a cheesy action movie hero. Dean was grateful, but it was hard for the older Winchester to ever show his feelings. It always had been hard for him to show his feelings. Dean was thankful for so many things that had happened over the years, good and bad, but there were things that he wished he could forget. The day Cas left was one of those things.

It was a hunt. A simple hunt. The brothers had been tailing on some signs of a demon outbreak in Sioux Falls. It was the usual. Cattle mutilations, mysterious smells of sulfur and citizen acting out in strange and mysterious ways. Dean was confident, and Sam was too. Cas was along for the ride and Dean’s heart couldn’t be happier to have his angel by his side.

Cas stared out the window at the passing scenery as Dean drove the Impala down the desolate road. Sam drifted off to sleep against the cool window in the backseat, his arms folded into his body as if to keep himself warm. The only sounds were from the classic rock station that softly played from the Impala’s radio and the hum of the engine as Dean drove. He found his free hand resting on the seat near Cas’ and eventually the older Winchester intertwined their fingers together. It wasn’t something out of the normal. The shared hand brushes, the glances across the table in the library at the bunker, the hand holding when one of them needed a little reassuring. Though neither of them outright said it, they loved each other. Cas had made it known to Dean multiple times, Dean just had a hard time admitting his feelings. He had a hard time admitting his feelings to anyone.

“It is going to be fine, Dean.” Castiel assured him, keeping his gaze out the window but squeezing Dean’s hand gently as they drove. The angel finally looked over to him, giving him a small smile of reassurance.

“I know, we’ve done this plenty of times,” Dean sighs. “I just never know when a hunt is going to be my last. Every day it gets closer and closer to the end it feels like.”

“I wouldn’t let them hurt you. You know that.” Castiel mumbled a little and Dean let go of his hand to let him focus on the road.

And Cas was right. He wouldn’t let anything hurt Dean. He wouldn’t let anyone, or anything so much as lay a hand on Dean. He was Dean’s protector and he was expected to do his job. While this was his greatest quality, it was also his tragic flaw. The one thing that everyone has that makes them weak. Cas’ weakness was Dean and Dean’s well being and it was obvious.

The trio made it to, yet another, shitty motel that they would be staying in for the week and Dean woke Sam up from his slumber so they could get the bags from the car moved into the motel room. The room smelled of beer and smoke and Castiel made a face as he walked in behind Dean. It wasn’t much but it would do for the week. Sam slung his bag to the floor before sitting down on the bed.

“I’m starving,” He mumbled. “I’ll go get us some food.” He offered with a smile as he took the key to Baby from Dean. He lectured the younger Winchester for probably the millionth time about how priceless the car was and to treat her with care. Sam dismissed his lecturing with the wave of his hand as he left out the front door.

“I’m exhausted,” Dean let out a yawn as he sat down on the edge of the bed. The man struggled to keep his eyes open but knew he needed to at least until Sammy returned.

“You should sleep, Dean.” Cas said from his spot in the desk chair across the room. “I’ll keep watch. Sleep.” He said before turning his attention to the window. The angel moved the curtains out of the way a bit to look out into the desolate parking lot. Dean didn’t want to sleep, afraid of what might happen in his state of slumber, but at the same time he was exhausted, and a few minutes wouldn’t hurt.

Eventually, the older Winchester was cuddled up in the musty motel blankets while Castiel sat in the chair across the room to keep watch. He didn’t need to sleep but watching Dean sleep was one of his favorite things to do. Castiel loved the way his chest slowly and delicately rose and fell with each breath he took. His lips slightly parted and his emerald green eyes closed to the light of the world. Sometimes Dean would let out a soft snore and other times he would sleep silently and peacefully. Either way, Cas loved to watch him. So that’s what he did as he waited for Sam to arrive with food for Dean.

It was around 11:30 when the knock on the door came and Dean was still fast asleep. Castiel stood, assuming the knock was Sam who needed help with the take out that he brought from a restaurant down the street. Instead of being greeted though by the younger Winchester, Castiel’s blue eyes were met with coal black ones that stood at the door and eyed the hunter who was asleep in the bed in the room. By instinct at this point, Castiel pulled out his blade from the tan trench coat that he adorned, and he took a swing at the demon.

When the lamp sitting by the door crashed to the motel carpet and shattered, Dean was pulled out of his sleep and he sat up in bed. The room was a mess and he wondered why he hadn’t woken up sooner. His eyes drifted to the curtain that were shredded and the broken chair that was laying in the corner by the air conditioner. Cas’ chair. Cas. Where was Cas? Dean frantically kicked the blankets from his body, calling out for the angel and starting to make his rounds around the room. The hunter found Castiel by the window, laying in the rubble of the broken chairs and weak like an injured animal that had gone off to hide to pass away in peace. Dean rushed to his side quickly, kneeling beside the angel and lifting his head up gently. His blue eyes were closed, and Dean felt some tears start to form in his own green eyes.

“Cas?” He managed to choke out, slapping his cheek gently to wake him up. “Cas, please.” Dean practically begged. He prayed, and he prayed hard. To who, he didn’t know. Whoever would listen and bring back his angel. Castiel coughed, his eyes opening partially, and Dean quickly repositioned the man in his arms. “Cas. Cas hey.” He said, forcing a smile onto his worrisome face. “Cas stay with me okay? It’s going to be okay.” Dean said and picked up the angel, laying him down on the bed that Dean had once occupied himself. Castiel was weak and it was obvious, but Dean didn’t want to admit it. He knew that the angel would heal himself. Everything would be fine. Everything would go back to normal.

Right?

“Angel….angel blade….,” Castiel coughed out and Dean frowned even deeper.

“What?” He asked and shook his head in protest. “Cas, you’re going to be fine, okay? Remember what you told me in the car? Everything is going to be okay. It always is okay.”

But Dean knew that it wasn’t okay. Not this time. Not from an angel blade wound. Cas’ complexion was slowly going from vibrant and lively to cold and empty. Dean didn’t want to admit that he would see it, but he could. Where was Sam? He would know what to do. Dean didn’t. Dean never knew what to do. Sure, he read the lore books and he researched just as much as Sam but, Sam always seemed to know more. Dean chalked it up to the college education and to him that was nothing to compete with. He didn’t know what to do so he did all he could. All he could do was hold Castiel and try to comfort him.

“Cas, it’s going to be okay.” He mumbled and tried his best to not cry in front of the angel that was cradled in his arms.

“Dean, no…” Cas mumbled and tried to push the man away. Dean didn’t listen though and he kept the withering angel held close to his body for comfort.

“Just relax. Sammy will be here soon, he’ll know what to do.” Dean frowned and pushed some of Castiel’s hair away from his forehead. “it’s going to be okay.”

“Dean, No.” Castiel repeated and tried to push himself away from the hunter’s body and Dean was confused.

“Dammit, Cas! Just let me help you!” Dean choked out, afraid of what was to come. “Why do you always have to be like this!” He yelled out of fear and anger. Castiel only continued his attempts at pushing his body away from Dean’s grasp.

“I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t hurt you, Dean.” Cas frowned and pushed his hand hard against Dean’s chest. The hunter’s grip on the angel though was tight and he swore that Cas wouldn’t leave his presence. He swore that he would keep him close to his body and comfort him in his time of need.

“Cas, you’re the one that’s hurt.” Dean pointed out but he was oblivious to what the angel was saying. “You’re not hurting me.”

“I’m not hurting you yet, Dean. But I will. I swear I will. Just let go…” He mumbled out and his blue eyes were starting to feel heavy. “Dean let go…” He demanded, pushing with all of his strength to get the hunter away from him but it was too late. Dean felt a hot burning on his skin and yelped in pain as a bright and blinding light filled the room.

Looking down at Castiel in his arms caused Dean to break down. If only he hadn’t fallen asleep. He would have been able to fight off whatever broke in and was stronger than his angel was. Cas was gone. It was obvious as his body had gone weak in Dean’s arms. He fought back his tears, looking down at the angel as he laid him on the frumpy bed sheets.

Dean’s skin burned hot and it pained him to even move a bit. He stood up, making his way to the bathroom to look in the mirror to find out where his pain was coming from. He tried to get the image of Cas slipping away in his arms out of his mind but the image kept revisiting himself. Dean turned the light on in the dingy bathroom, starring in horror at his reflection in the mirror. As if the image of Cas wasn’t enough to haunt him every day, his skin was blistered and red in the shape of feathered wings. Cas’ wings. The rest of the shadow that didn’t scar Dean was left on the headboard of the bed as well as the blankets and the wall next to the bed. Dean frantically rubbed the marks, trying to get them to leave his skin. He didn’t want the reminder. The reminder that he had failed yet again. He didn’t have a choice though and suddenly he realized that was why Castiel was trying to push him away. He was stained more than what he already was. Marked by the death of someone he loved unconditionally. Someone he would never be able to bring back or replace. He felt the tears again starting to flow down his face, choking on his own tears as he continued to rub at the marks left on his arms and his chest. Dean slid down the wall that sat perpendicular to the mirror, pulling his knees to his chest and crying into them.

He thought about the past. He thought about the forgotten words. He thought about the missed chances. He thought about how demons and other monsters must laugh at his expense, being forced to walk the Earth with a daily reminder of his lost love.

But most of all, he thought about how he never told Cas that he loved him.

_Angels come down from the heavens_   
_Just to help us on our way_   
_Come to teach us, then they leave us_   
_And they find some other soul to save_


End file.
